UNCUT VERSON - FIRST PLOG EPISODE
Imagine lying in bed, in the middle of the night. You’ve woken up fully alert and switch on your bedside lamp. Your mind is ready to start the day, yet your body is heavy knowing it’s still dusk. You just lay there, looking up at the roof. Your eyes wandering from one corner of the ceiling to the other.
Tilting your head to look over at the dresser, you see a family portrait, candle holders, an ornament you bought from an overseas trip; but it doesn’t give you any emotion or thought. You’re just blank! As blank as a canvas! So, you just stare and stare and stare.
That’s my interpretation of “Writer’s Block”. It’s the most dreadful experience. It can happen in the middle of a story or at the end; as you’re wrapping it all up. In my case, it usually happens at the beginning. I had a marvellous response to my blog last week about learning lessons from my recent relationship. It wrote about the internalising and questioning yourself type stuff we all go through. Doubt kicks in and I ask myself “But what will I write about now?”
“What next?” I have so many stories to tell that I don’t know where to begin. I thought about looking back at my past and working my way forward. Like Alice in Wonderland I think about my past actions. I dissect and analyse; innocently trying to make sense of utter nonsense.
But I’m not the same person I was yesterday and what I will do today, will impact what lies ahead. Besides, I don’t want to go back. Instead, I choose to write about the here and now.
Right now, in the present moment; is where I need to be. I’m sitting up against my bedhead with a blanket pulled up high; keeping me toasty during this miserable, yet satisfyingly rainy day. This is my “writers desk”! The place where my imagination runs wild and free. Oddly, it’s also the place I can feel empty and numb.
It’s the future that scares me; the fear of not knowing. I suppose it’s because right now, at this present moment; I am confused and lost. My only wish is to grow small, small enough so I can somehow see the bigger picture. To see “where” it is that I need to put my focus.
With all the work I have done through personal development, I know that I need to put myself first. Along with that comes my daughter. We are a package. She’s a seedling I am nurturing, watering and shining light on; so she can grow strong and evolve into a wise respectable woman.
My business; Aquatique, Holistic Beauty & Skin Therapy, is also important to me. It’s a place where I feel most comfortable and my clients become my friends. Twelve years on, I still love my job but it’s more practical than bringing out my idealistic, dreamy and sensitive self.
My passion is communication and I have so much to say. In fact, it’s why I have created this new path for myself. My aim is to inspire others to express themselves authentically by aligning the heart with the head and speaking truth.
So, today I write about the struggle of writer’s block. Of putting down in print what I’m living in this present moment. Letting others know that it’s OK to have that blank, emptiness and to allow yourself to feel it, sit with it, embrace it. The confusion about the past and future and understanding that knowing yourself in the present is all you really need. To focus on your internal self, rather than the external. For the truth lies within.
“Go inside you, feel the silence, use the eternal now that rules the past and the future.” ~ Aniekee Tochukwu Ezekiel
How does one do this? Well, firstly, if you have struggled to live in the present moment, you need to admit to yourself you have been living in the past. Samantha from Sex & The City put it quite perfectly to those still living in the past, “Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda!”
Talking about your past is like reliving your story instead of creating a new one and moving forward. It took me till my 36th year to actually embrace the present and to find a way to do it simply. I met with a fellow life mentor, Toni-Maree Hannan. She taught me a great way to ground myself. I practise it daily and it is effective. I would love to share this technique with you.
Sit upright and ground both feet on the floor. Close your eyes and breath in through your nose, fill your tummy like it’s a balloon and release. Concentrate on your breath, breathing in and releasing. Do this for 5 minutes. Then, as you are starting to feel connected with yourself, think about the 3 most important things you need to do for the day. No more. No less. Complete these tasks within the day. Keep your mind active thinking of the tasks at hand.
If you do this daily, you will begin to start living in the moment. The anxiety of the future will ease. The guilt of the past will fade. I encourage you to move past your writer’s block and begin anew. In the present.
Lisa Jane is based in the northern area of Melbourne, Australia. She is an aspiring writer, with a magnetic smile and charismatic in nature. She educates and entertains with her stories bringing balance to any life experience. Lisa Jane is a separated mother; who in the present moment is choosing to stay single, co-parenting with her daughter’s Father whilst running her Holistic Beauty & Skin Therapy salon; Aquatique. Lisa Jane hosts a podcast: Yummy Mummy since 2017. Where she will make sense of what it means to be a parent, partner and lover in modern society whilst staying true to yourself.
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